I am not sure what it is about airports, but people turn into assholes in them. Real. Legit. Jerks.
Yes, lady, I do want you to stop your walking, right freaking in front of me, while I am full speed walking. I love stopping short. Oh, and then you must look around like you are a lost little creature. It's called numerical order - if you haven't heard of it... GO HOME. Please, take your time walking by me (as I am trying to get around you) so that you can primp like a freaking peacock in the bathroom mirror that is 5 feet away. I LOVE that. OH, and you must stand in the bathroom entrance to text your BFF - naturally, everyone knows that is is place to "hang out."
Sure thing sir, I love to hear you smacking and farting as you sit next to me on the plane. It is my favorite thing in the whole world - and that center console ... why, you should use the whole goddamn thing!! No, really - I don't need to set my drink anywhere. I can just hold it. And really, even though I am sitting in the aisle, you should probably just vault over me so you can be the veeeeerrrrrry first person off the plane. I mean really, you are *how do they say* muay importante. Oh, and make sure to ram my lap top and Kate Spade bag with your shitty vinyl computer case to fit it in the overhead bin. Really, sir, you are AWESOME!!!!
Alright. Done now.
May your day be jerk free.
Andrea
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