I really wish that I had this super active imagination that made up all of these events. That I was really sitting on the couch the entire time, eating popcorn, and thinking up things that would amuse you all.
I wish.
That isn't even close to the case.
If you have spent anytime around me at all - you will find that the most random things happen to me. It's as though the world has created an elaborate joke just for me and, so far, I'm not impressed.
Yesterday, I was completing the simple task of putting dishes away - easy enough. From the back room I heard a HUGE commotion which I believed to be the handy work of my asshole cats. I walked back there and nothing was amiss. Weird, right?
I happen to notice that the pantry door is slightly ajar, and upon its opening find the waffle maker has fallen down. I pick it up, wind the cord, and reach up to put it back on the top shelf. As I reach up, a 24 ounce jar of pumpkin decides to leap off that very same shelf and onto my face.
Because my hands were holding a waffle maker - I had nothing to catch the can with... nothing that is except my left cheek/nose/mouth.
My glasses went flying (thank you Kate Spade for making glasses that won't break under the pressure of 24 ounces), and I felt my face to make sure I wasn't bleeding (I don't get bloody noses and I am sure that if yesterday would have been my first I would have ran the ER). As I carefully make my way to the couch I yell (and I mean yell) downstairs, "I HAVE BROKEN MY FACE," and I lay down on the couch, both hands covering my face. By the time Shiloh finds me, I am shaking and he is worried, until he realizes that I am shaking from laughter. He asks what happened, and all I could get out was that I was ambushed in the face by a can of pumpkin, and could he please find some ice. He may have asked me to open my mouth (I may have claimed to have lost teeth - I didn't), but I don't really remember him asking. What I do remember is being fish hooked as he looks at my teeth, and me being really pissed.
Turns out, I am mostly okay. I have slight bruising under my eye, and my cheek is a little tender. I have lost no teeth, and my face and nose remain unbroken.
Let this be a lesson to you all - do not use your face to catch falling cans. It's not worth it.
