The moment you decide that you will run a marathon is the exact moment the Universe decides to test your will, character, and sense of humor.
I happen to be incredibly sarcastic and in general really like to mess with people - so here are the most common weird questions I get, and lies you'll hear me tell (with of course the truthful answer - that I almost always include).
Do you pee yourself when you run?? Yeah, at about mile 22 it just happens. You can't control the flow - so you just go with it - I don't even slow down.
No, I don't pee myself. It is the same as always - if you decide to need to pee there are these magnificent things call porti potties lined up all over the course. My shoes cost a lot of money - why in the world would I ever choose to pee on them?
How far is your marathon this time?? Oh, this one? It's a 22 mile marathon, well actually it depends - sometimes they change the finish line. They are all like - thought you were done?? Nope - keep going!!
Marathons are ALWAYS 26.2 miles. If it isn't 26.2 - then it is called something else. Unless you are under the age of 12, you may not interchange "run" with "marathon". That is all.
So, you can just eat whatever you want all the time, huh?? Yup, I personally like to start my day with 14 peanut butter cookies, a Big Mac, 16 sprites, half a sheet cake, and a side of ranch.
No, you can't just eat whatever you want. You are asking a lot of your body, and you need to give it good, whole, nutritious food. Garbage in - garbage out. Do I have an occasional cookie, frozen yogurt, Cadbury Cream Egg? - sure, but not very often.
Does it hurt? Not at all - it's a lot like a day at the spa. The pavement massages your feet, and all of your sweat becomes super moisturizing.
YES IT HURTS!! You are running for 3-6 (sometimes more, sometimes less) hours straight. Everything that touches you is a problem, your mind is screaming at you to stop - reminding you that you paid to torture yourself. Your feet hurt, your ankles hurt, you are simultaneously starving and not hungry, you have a thin layer of salt all over your body... Of course, 85% of all pain goes away the minute you cross the finish line - so hooray for that!!
You don't really get blisters do you?? Oh gosh, no - I could be a foot model. My feet are as beautiful as a new born babies.
I fully realize that I may be the exception here, but I am little Mrs. Tenderfoot. My feet blister at the mere mention of a 10K - let alone a marathon. In fact, they are shedding at the moment, and I mentioned to my husband that if we were lucky - by the end of the week I could fashion him a human skin lamp shade. (did you throw up a little, I am sooooo sorry - sick sense of humor, keep reading) Yes, our feet blister, callus, crack, toenails have gotten lost, or turned black - it's fine though - pretty feet are over rated. (or that is what I am telling myself today - secretly I am totally jealous.)
... and last but not least, so you're running a 5K this weekend - do you carbo load? Are you just gonna go to an all out pasta feed?? Yes, yes I am - I am going to stuff myself silly with pasta, and butter, and cream sauce, and more pasta, and maybe if I am lucky they will have some extra greasy meatballs that I can add on my plate!!
Sigh. A. One does not need to carbo load for a 5K. B. Carbo loading is a multi day process - wherein you make really good choices: more oatmeal for breakfast, and extra serving of whole grains, more fruit, extra Gatorade, and perhaps an occasional cookie will find it's way in there. It is not a one meal - all you can eat - pasta feed. If you are a runner that can do that - hats of to you and your guts of steel -for me, I can't eat all that different than I normally do - or my tummy declares war.
Anyone else get super odd questions??
Keep them guessing - that's what I like to do!! Make it a great day. High fives, runners!!
You should see my toe! it is black, LOL. the toemail refuses to fall off and it has been black for almost a month. it does not hurt at the moment but it is funny to look at.
ReplyDeletePeed myself in my first 5k, and again in my first 5 mile. Let a little out at a time. No one will ever know because you are already dripping sweat and everyone smells bad so no one notices. Just make sure you get that PR!
As far as super wierd questions, I do not get questions at all, I volunteer so much information that people stopped talking to me about running. I am thinking of becoming a personal trainer so I will then have someone to talk to about my fitness and running.
Love it, Andrea!! And well, I do pee myself a little (after all I'm old and I have had 4 kids) BUT there are things you can do about that too ;)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS! My non-running friends are always telling strangers that I run marathons...no, I run half-marathons...it's a big difference! (first full in 3 days...eek).
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of when I used to waitress and bartend and I would be at Target paying for my goodies with one dollar bills and the cashier would ask me, "Are you a waitress?" and I would say, "No, I'm a stripper. That's from my g-string"**
**Note-I was more than 100 pounds overweight when I worked in the restaurant industry...it was long before my running days.... ;)
In your second item, you write "Unless you are under the age of 12, you may not interchange 'run' with 'marathon'." My wife's aunt tells her friends, "My niece and her husband run marathons in Central Park." I think anyone under 12 *OR* over 75 gets a pass on this one!
ReplyDeleteThis post was great! Spot on.
ReplyDeleteI personally tried that whole eat all you want because you run thing. It doesn't work ;)
I just found this blog via your facebook page and I love it! Thank you for all of the laughs! And I think I'll carbo load for my 5K on Saturday since you know it's like running a marathon! HA! HA!
ReplyDeleteI just found this via your facebook page and I seriously fell out of my office chair laughing! It's funny that we all get the same silly questions from people, but I'm going to start answering them with the answers you have provided! Thanks for the laugh on a crappy Tuesday morning at work :)
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